Weeknotes: Diagnosing — Week 3, 2023

  • Reader, this week I learned why you never put a cannula in your dominant arm. You become hyper-aware of every movement you make. It's really quite unpleasant.
  • My sister stayed the weekend as part of a London-based training course she's doing, and the timing ended up being excellent given the main event this week. We ate Korean and talked about Pokémon.
  • Following the trail of my spooky symptoms, I went back to the ER mid-week and spent some time in hospital going through a litany of tests. And I finally have walked out with a diagnosis and a treatment plan which I won't talk about much yet. But importantly, the anxiety is waning. And once again I can only thank the NHS.
  • You know that trope where Alice saves Bob's life, and Bob acts super weird about being indebted to Alice? I used to dismiss it as being a weird little story device, but I now understand it, and it just about brings me to tears. There is a particular doctor who listened, took me seriously, popped by to check on me: Thanks, CG. I owe you.
  • There's something almost religious about the ritual of removing jewellery and changing into scrubs before an MRI. However the experience itself is a lot less profound. It involves a lot of laying still and staring at your feet, while strange vibrations and noises happen in your direction. I imagine this is what a K-hole at a rave must feel like.
  • Nearly a year after starting it, this week I also closed a Canticle for Leibowitz for the last time: The ending is haunting and so far removed from the opening that my head is still spinning.
  • A machine pumping x-ray dye directly into my veins is probably the strangest I have ever felt. It's a little bit like the warmth after a glass of whiskey, only, coursing your entire body. And then it all lands in your bladder and for a solid minute you feel like you wet yourself. But it's ok - you didn't - and now the test is over. Phew.
  • I'm struggling a bit with talking to people about this stuff. It's really quite isolating. It doesn't fit into the answer to pleasantries like “How's it going?”. Thanks to the people who've reached out — you know who you are — I really appreciate it.
  • Faith is one of the most unsettling games I've ever played. It's stress-inducing and so playing it right now is definitely a dumb idea. I'm in awe at how much atmosphere is possible with 8 bits.
  • That Meiji Almond Matcha is pretty fucking awesome. Thanks J.
  • OK, next week will be better! I might even write some code.
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© Alex Wilson 2024